This is the Facebook note of the same name, but with added details.
Its official: me and Christina Cook do not see eye-to-eye on much of anything anymore.
She's now engaged to her new boyfriend. 3 weeks into the new relationship, 1 1/2 months after ours ended.
She is using the "I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want!" defense, which doesn't phase me. I'm a Libertarian, I stand for adults doing as they please... responsibly. If you're responsible, moral, and ethical, I don't get on your case. However, officially starting a relationship a month after your last one with someone in a worse place than the last one then getting engaged without seeing them once, that doesn't show responsibility, morality, or ethics.
She admits that she hasn't known him long but "god he just brings emotions out of me that I have never had before and if that is a sin then I pledge guilty and will wait for the punishment".
If that's her feelings, then ok then. Let her life go to hell and go to ashes. Let her be under even more stress than with me. Ryan for now lives in Utah. He's going to be living in Greensboro. He seems to have a great love for drink. He has told her that she may not be pregnant now, but she will be once he gets to North Carolina. She told him once that they'll have sex once they're married. His first response: "Lets get married then".
Gee... I wonder why he wants to be engaged to her?
When all this goes to hell on her, when she finds that he's focusing only on having sex, when she finds that being with him is more stressful than dating me, when she finds that she's having more issues than problems being with him, what will I do?
I'll be here to help her rise from the ashes. No "I told you so!", no "you were stupid!", no "what were you thinking!". I could do what others would do in my place, but I have too much class and dignity to do so. The best way to win this battle is to let life happen to her, let the heavy odds against her be fulfilled, and have what's meant to be happen happen to her.
The truth will set you free. Piling on her emotionally fragile state won't do any good, just harm. So until then, I won't talk to her. It will be a long time if it doesn't happen. It may be a few months, it may be a few years, or even a few decades before I talk to her again.
She doesn't seem to care about how her life really goes if you ask me. She's very loose on smoking and a bit loose on drinking. Neither heavily, but with the total stress she's under in her life, an occasional activity can easily turn into a terrible habit that slowly kills her later in life. She said she wanted to move to Greensboro when we were dating, but I never saw the fire in her. I heard many reasons why not, but no "but I'll still try".
I can try to tell her what she's doing is wrong, or she can have these things backfire and collapse on her. I wish her no ill will, no bad luck, no wish for her to rot. I wish for her to meet her full potential, and until she starts taking a more vigorous stand on things, at least on relationships, she won't do so. Having sex before marriage probably won't work for her. Getting married will probably have to wait until more than a year before getting engaged.
Until her life is in order, she can have a whatever life she has. All of you can keep talking to her like you have before, you can cut back contact, or you can just disown her. I do not condone any bad things towards her. If you want to have some nonsupporting words with her, I won't condone or condemn them.
She worried that my friends and parents hating her and not liking her anymore. I can't speak for all, but I know at least one is mad at her and another is possibly mad at her. She got what she feared.
I pisses me the fuck off: every time I have some major concern about her (i.e. smoking, getting engaged so soon), it immediately turns into some sort of attack on her freedom to do as she pleases. Again, the whole "I'm an adult!" argument doesn't make me stop. I believe that, I am a fucking Libertarian! My apologies for having a strong opinion on something that may protect her from immense harm.
This started as me feeling hurt that she seemed to value the relationship that little, but now its turned into me being a good person and friend and trying to protect her from a very stupid decision. Right now, I'll give the full conversation her and me had via text earlier today:
Her: "I heard wt u wrote on ur status n facebook!"
Me: "Yeah. And?"
Her: "U better watch [it] I am 20 yrs old n hve the right to do wt I want to do ok yes I admit I havent known him back [?] but god he just brings emotions out of me that I have never had before and if that is a sin then I pledge [plead] guilty and will await for the punishment"
Me: "Enjoy then. I don't want to talk to you. If it goes to hell on you, I will not say "I told you so". All I will do is help you rise from the ashes. I have too much dignity and class to do otherwise"
Her: "Watever"
So ends this nearly 1 year encounter with her. I'm finding that more and more it was a blessing to get away from her. She has given in into the trailer park trash mentality, that every dispute should be escalated into violence or at least a verbal assault. There's no classy way to handle anything. It is what has started family feuds, or even does. Parents hate the exes of their children just because or because of very good reason. Truly good guys seem rare while the bottom of the bucket are a dime a 2 dozen. She won't admit it but she doesn't have a desire to leave Reidsville. There's always a reason to not even try: grandparents are sick, can't transfer a job for a long time, gotta/want to go to RCC (why is beyond me, but ok), no insurance, no car, want to watch out for a younger sibling, the list could go on I'm certain.
She's stuck in the mentality of a bitter backwoods or small town person. Typically, someone gets this way because they can't leave and go somewhere better or "its too hard". Someone can make a thousand excuses, but won't say "I'm doing it anyway goddammit!" If it takes 5 or 10 years, fine. Just don't give up due to the difficulty. You may need to spend 99.9% of your income to surviving, but there's still 0.1% to be saved for leaving. Knock out what you need one by one. Insurance, car, job nearby, money, then plan for leaving or plan while getting those things.
And for god's sake DON'T LIMIT YOURSELF TO INSIDE THE COUNTY FOR A JOB!!!
If a guy who gets drunk a lot, may do something stupid when he goes out, has many unresolved issues somewhere else, and seems to want to have sex is what She wants, then she can have him. I'll be here, ready to pick her up out of the ashes and help her learn the lessons she needs to learn. If she has it all go to ash again, I donno, maybe I'll help again. If I get to that fork in the road, I'll decide then.
adeu my friends
*bows*
[this is good] It's honorable that you would do the gentlemanly thing and be there for her when/if things go to hell for her. Though, I would really just cut relations all together and let her live her "adult" life without you. It's not a "fuck you" as much as it is a "bye bye." But, hey. You do what you can and will and know that of course, I'll back you up :)
The whole "I'm an adult!" argument isn't even an argument! It's a damn excuse and makes her sound like a whiny 16 year old who SWEARS they're in love but doesn't know a thing about it. Nothing she's about to do is smart, woman-like, condonable (in my honest opinion), or even right in all sense of the world.
I do not wish her ill or harm, but I don't have any respect for her or good wishes for a marriage with the creeper (totally a creeper for marrying someone just for sex. Disgusting).
Posted by: OWXCpeely | 06/13/2010 at 01:20 AM
The best way to fully win something like this is to be the better person and not stoop to a lower level. She claims that she had to grow up fast, but I think she's let it go to her head and think that she has actually grown up.
Either that or she just follows her heart.I wonder why she has a long list of people she's dated and had a scumbag asshole rape her after having sex with her once before? While in a relationship that didn't last more than 3 months?
Posted by: The Great Czar N | 06/13/2010 at 04:08 PM