Nickspitzer's blog

It All Went Up in Fiery Smoke

I've had a request to write a new Vox for a few days now by Christy. I'm certain she wanted me to write a totally happy piece, but I've got a weekend to summarize and it ain't all peachy.

Weekend started off quite well. Went to a software design competition at A&T with 4 other UNCG students: Austin Spears, Baily Green, and a guy whose first name I forget but last name is Underwood. (If I figure it out, I'll make an edit). [EDIT 7:34 PM: Scott Underwood is his name] We got our program designed but not quite working. Then, we had our teams mixed afterwords. I got 3 good, not great people. We got our program designed but not done. We needed more time overall to do both.

After that, they served us a nice lunch at the O. Henry Hotel. Its better than I usually eat! I got to know the other people a bit better. After that, Lydia, one of the two great below-300 CSC lecturers and person in contact with the area comp sci people, drove me and Austin back to UNCG. He had to work on a 340 project with his partner Alex Kilgore, who would have made it to the software competition, but overslept. We all decided to stick together to work on our respective work.

I talked to Austin while waiting for Kilgore to get food and I must say I like the fellow. Plays video games (always a plus for me), has a girlfriend himself (I think my relationship with Christy is only a few days older than his), overall, just a good guy, Kilgore is also quite a comp sci brain and is interesting to talk to. Not a total geek that only knows how to talk comp sci.

It was quite fun hanging with them. I saw however that the code they were given to start with is shit. They couldn't follow it, it only seemed to function once, it was horridly written. and the worst part: it had no data structures! All it did was save data to a .txt file and use it as a data structure, which you can't do! You can't access anything in a .txt file! [Faithe, back me up on this! XD] Besides good conversation (and the fact that it was very interesting to listen to them talk about the program) during their work, we had good times when we went to get dinner.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A VERY GEEKY COMPUTER SCIENCE JOKE!!!

The line was really long and people were cutting in front of them. I got food elsewhere so I was ahead in line. They walked up and asked if they could cut in front of me because everyone else was and the line was LONG! We paid for our stuff sat down, and Austin said "Our merge() function worked beautifully."

[:D as I said, it had a very geeky computer science joke in it]

We went back to work until the library was closing down. They left to go to Kilgore's house while I went back to my dorm. We had agreed to do the programming competition at A&T April 10th. I think we could win it. They're out of 330, I'm currently in it, we're all very smart, we're geeks.

That was a grand Saturday. Sunday didn't start off too bad. Some hw to finish, games to play, Christy to talk to later. That was the plan until her cousin Erica started texting me. Me asking Christy strongly no to smoke got brought up. Back and forth ended with me looking like a controlling bastard about it. Oh that 's just a fun thing to contend with. Especially the part where you're in the basement of your dorm crying because you think that you may lose your significant other. Compounded with someone telling you that all you knew about the worst ex in someone's history is wrong. Her cousin actually told me that he wasn't the worst scum of the earth I had been told he was. He was just misunderstood a few times and when he did an offense I care not repeat, he was drunk (not that its any better!). She also brought up that this total scum bag still loved her and wanted to be with her, which if so, would be tough luck on his part. I say "if so" because he got a new girlfriend yesterday, not sure if this is before or after telling her cousin this.

To quote Lexie from earlier today "she is a bitch!" Why would her cousin do that!?! She had me fucking scared out of my fucking mind!!! You don't do that to me! Don't make me think that I've hurt my girlfriend whom I love and care about and am worried about and would do anything for! You really want to know why I don't want her smoking? My mom's health is not horrible, but it could be a hell of a lot better. My mom was laid out for 2 weeks with pneumonia once because of smoking. My mom has had to get teeth replaced because of it. Her lungs were tested and found to be 100 years old, OVER TWICE MY MOM'S AGE!!! She has some lung problems and sometimes has been hacking a lung out. So pardon me if I REALLY don't want Christy to start smoking! I've seen the effects it has on a fairly or really healthy person; with Christy's lungs having spots on them, the smoking would be a hell of a lot worse most likely.

And no one try to feed me the whole "She's an adult and should be allowed to do what she wants" argument. I am a proud member of the Libertarian Party! The platform is all FOR individual rights, liberties, and responsibility! Giving me that argument is like arguing to an eye doctor that eye glasses are good for you! You're preaching to the choir! I do however have a right to state legitimate concerns to her! I got in trouble for saying "tell her what to do and not to do." which can be taken wrong. I will make it VERY clear every time that I don't approve of her smoking and I shall not deviate from that. Legally, socially, whatever-ly, I can't MAKE her do anything. If she doesn't want to stop, I really can't make her. However, I believe in love that both parties make sacrifices, do more than they normally would, and take suggestions from one another.

After meeting with Alex today and having her talk to Christy, being told what in my mind I knew, all seemed to return to normal. Being told things you already know while in a totally scared state really helps stabilize you. Heck, it was an excuse for Alex to tell Christy she had a new boyfriend :) I also had a change in my daily routine. Always helpful.

This experience was absolute hell for me. Good things are made in the heat of intense fires though. Never want to be in the fire again if its because I'm talking to some 3rd party again however. What her cousin did was total and utter fucking bullshit! If I've given some impression that I'm a bad guy, I don't know what it is. The most cynical to thing to say is that many around Christy may be jaded by so  many bad guys around her. I won't speculate however. Let me be me and let that prove that I'm a great guy.

This is the 2nd cousin that's done something fucked up. First one tried to get me to break up with Christy and go out with her. I eventually just signed off AIM after it was clear she wasn't stopping. I don't mind talking to her cousins, but if all one of them is going to do is something like that, I don't want to talk to them. I take each one on a case-by-case basis so my impression of each is solely based on how they've acted towards me. Trying to rewrite the history of a scum bag ex that mistreated her and making my legitimate concern about her smoking a monstrous deal and into something its not is NOT FUCKING ACCEPTABLE!!! Perhaps I used the wrong words, but shouldn't there be some evidence over 8 1/2 months to show that I'm not controlling? Perhaps the lack of evidence that I am could be evidence?

I'll be staying pissed off at her cousin until I learn why and get an apology. No one gets away with fucking with me like that. It had to be clear after a while what she was doing. I doubt it was by accident. Either it was a fucked up joke or it was an evil plan to do something else. If there's another possibility, I'd love to hear it. I could yell and scream and rage on this for a lot longer...

See you later and adeu my friends
*bows*

QotD: Dream View

If you could have any view from your "back porch," what would it be?

Hm, if I had to pick just one, it'd have to be a view looking down into a valley high in the mountains. I'd be able to see for miles. Its something else to be so high up in the mountains then look down into a valley and for miles out.

A Ghost of Conversion

I think that I may be mislabeling my religious beliefs. I think in my desire to avoid the social norms and mislabeling, I mislabeled myself.

What I believe is that there is a power above us that molds us into what we are supposed to become. There is a plan for each of us. What you put into the world is what the world gives you back.

I've claimed to be agnostic or believing in a greater power but not being religious. Been that way since some time after things with my ex ended in the summer of '08 because it had to happen for a reason. There was no way a good guy that wanted to be loved and be kind to all would just lose a girl that seemed perfect for him. There had to be a reason. In hindsight, we see that I was correct.

"Wait... why are you questioning yourself then? Your beliefs fit what happened."

Look at the title my friend:

"Ghost"

Christy seems to like going to haunted places for fun (not my thing but hey, whatever floats your boat). Christy and her friends were going to go to a bridge where some horrid things had happened. They drove across the bridge earlier in the day before they were going to go apparently because the driver wanted to tempt the spirits. While they were sitting around waiting to go, shit started happening. Christy's cross broke off the chain.

The thing never breaks... but now it broke. o.0

There were a few more but probably the freakiest was having Brittany feel like she was hit in the head with a sledgehammer, then start to act weird. I'd say speaking in a voice not quite yours saying "You've been warned..." then laughing like a little kid is acting weird.

"What do ghost got to do with this? I'm confused..."

Christy said that because she was Christian, believed in God and that she was going to heaven, she was safe. A few sayings of the Lord's Prayer while ghost hunting also helps her stay safe too.

Its not a "better safe than sorry" thing. I'm not doing this out of a fear of being wrong and banished to Hell. I've never really put much thought in my beliefs of an afterlife really. I do say "they're looking down upon us right now" when someone loses a close family member.

I've been around Christianity all my life. Its been more upfront at certain times. Twice I've attended church for an extended period of time, for a while as a small kid while still living in Ohio with my cousins (I cried every time I went except when my mom went with me) and a few years later I think because Cub Scouts wanted me to I think with Alina and her family.

My parents have never really been religious and we've never been church goers. I've been around people who are quite Christian in the fact that they talk about their faith sometimes and go to church a lot. There are also those that believe but aren't church goers.

The McCravys next door, Alina, Christy, Lexie, Byron, Brie, I'm sure I know more that fall into one of the two  categories. I've been around it for a long time. I've been near Christianity for a long time, but never really looked into it much. I think at first it was my parents' lack of religion but later on my use of reason and science that never made me become Christian or even spiritual. My mom I don't think thinks about it and my dad said one day that if he had to chose a religion it would be Hinduism because of its beliefs in reincarnation and other things.

I don't think I ever really addressed what I was talking about at first. I spoke of mislabeling myself but I never really finished the point, although it may be clear what it is: I think I may actually be Christian but calling myself agnostic.

My reasons above are certainly reasons why but there is another. When I started believing, I made sure to form my beliefs to be different from religion as much as possible. I called the power "The Greater Spirit", not "God" and "it" and never "He". I didn't want to be mistaken for a Christian. It wasn't because I saw it as some burden or curse or bad thing, like my old roommate James pointed out it seemed like. It was instead me avoiding credit for being something I wasn't. I wasn't a Christian, I didn't and still don't attend church and I still am not full way Christian.

I'll want to look into Christianity more before I put that label on me. I still don't want credit for something that I'm not. I reiterate again: I am not doing this because I fear going to Hell. I'm not doing it just to avoid a conflict between me and Christy that will never come up. I do this because the paranormal isn't to be trifled with and if being Christian would save me, I'll take the protection. However, I also do seem to actually be Christian, but I don't go to church or fully claim to believe all or a lot of Christianity.

Either way, studying history may be in order and studying Christianity would also be a good excuse to study Islam and Judaism.

I'll end with an "adeu" as always but also with this:

May God's love be with you. [that seems natural and correct and right for me to say]
Adeu my friends
*bows*